T.G.I.F.

I think one of the saddest parts of being a grown up is how much time we spend just telling other grownups what day it is. 

Almost everyone already knows what day it is, but we still walk around and say things like, “Well, thank God it’s Friday!” or, “Well, we made it to Wednesday!” or, the saddest of them all, “Monday, huh?”

Just, that’s it… “Monday, huh?”

What is the response to that even? What can I say back to that statement that doesn’t make us both sound like complete idiots? “Yeah, I know it’s Monday, Todd. Saw that on my calendar just this morning. Wasn’t sure, though, so thanks for clarifying. Tomorrow, I’m going to assume, will be Tuesday, and then Wednesday, and then we’ll be able to talk about how this hellscape of a week is half over.”

Whose life is that bad in this country that they seriously can’t wait for the weekend? If you have a job where you even have a weekend, you’re doing all right. Shut up. 

You think homeless people walk around telling other homeless people what day of the damn week it is? It doesn’t matter. There is no day of the week when you’re homeless! Those are the people who should actually be telling other homeless people what day it is, because they don’t have a calendar.

Children know better than to talk like this. Children would never, ever, say to another child, “We made it to Wednesday, Carl. Thank God we’re halfway there because I haven’t had a cookie all week!”

No. Children talk about actual interesting things, like superhero movies or their pets throwing up on the carpet or where they went over the summer. Not calendar dates!

Stop telling other grownups what day it is. We all have calendars in our pockets. No more days! 

Besides that, when you’re a grown up with actual kids in your house, there is no such thing as a weekend, anyway. That’s your job, the kids. Making sure the kids are fed, driving them to swim meets, yard work, house work, telling them to get off their IPADS. That’s the work. Don’t tell me “Thank God it’s Friday,” because I’m not.

No, the reason we say things like, “Welp, one more day,” is because we’ve already said “Good morning,” and it’s not time to leave yet. When it’s time to leave, we can say things like, “See ya’ tomorrow,” or “Have a good evening,” but it’s that middle-of-the-day meeting in the hallway or the break room or whatever that throws us, you know. It’s that gray conversation area, because we don’t have time to have an actual conversation, but we don’t want to be a jerk, so we just spout out random days of the week.

“Whooo. Thursday, huh?”

Seriously?

We’re smarter than this, though, right? We’re adults. We don’t need to be so lame.

So, I propose a solution. After “good morning,” when you see someone at work, instead of telling another grown human what day it is, you say the name of an actor or actress. Then that person has five seconds to respond with the name of a movie or television show that the actor or actress has been in.

If they respond correctly within the allotted time, they get a thumbs up. That’s it. No need for chit chat, small talk, we’re all busy, keep moving. Just a thumbs up.

If they get it wrong, or they can’t make it in five second, you give them a thumbs down and tell them they need to try harder. That’s it. Keep moving. 

No more days of the week. We got this.