The Neighborhood

Last week I wrote a column about Abraham Lincoln, wheelbarrows, French acrobats, the Civil War, politics, and dumpster fires. To introduce all of these ideas, however, I pointed out that I get most of my news from NPR and do so for two basic reasons: one, I find this source less ideologically slanted than some other sources, and secondly, the tone of the reporting is on the chill side, which is helpful for my mental health.

I did not suggest that NPR is unbiased.

NPR is made up of human beings and humans are inherently biased, and so it would be quite the trick for an entire news organization made up of biased humans to produce unbiased news. As a general rule, if we think our news source is unbiased and simply “tells it like it is,” it probably means it’s actually “telling it how we want to hear it” and is merely reinforcing our world view. That, in itself, is not good or bad, it’s just reality, but we do need to acknowledge that truth and accept that our world view is one of many.

Like, many, many.

Regardless, one piece of evidence I would use to suggest that NPR is somewhat less slanted than many other outlets, however, is the debate night recap I listened to on the way to school last Friday. For a few minutes, the reporter talked about the debate with two people: a Republican strategist and a Democrat strategist. The reporter gave each guest equal air time and didn’t interrupt. The guests were very pleasant to each other and were able to disagree agreeably; they highlighted what they saw as their candidate’s “hits,” pointed out their opponent’s “misses,” and, perhaps most impressively, conceded some spots where their own candidate was less than impressive, such as when former Vice-President Biden sidestepped questions on Ukraine or when President Trump suggested that no other President had done more for Black people, with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln.

As the interview wrapped up, the reporter thanked the guests for their time and they, in turn, thanked the host for inviting them to speak. It was civil. It was three adults talking like adults, and it reinforced my own world view that talking is better than yelling, and that listening is better than both.

As far as the second point, the tone of this interview helped to reinforce another one of my world views, and that’s that the world needs to chill out a little bit and listen more.

God tells us in the Bible, repeatedly, through multiple authors, to love God, to love our neighbors, and not to worry about the future. Whether it’s James pointing out the absurdity of making long distance plans or Paul telling us not to be anxious about anything; whether it’s David finding comfort in God as shepherd or Christ himself reminding us that worrying won’t add a single hour to our lives, the message is clear and unambiguous: God is sovereign.

God is in charge, not the President, not the Supreme Court or Congress, not the World Health Organization or the United Nations, and certainly not Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg.

God is sovereign now and will continue to be so on November 3^rd, or 4^th, or 28^th, or whenever they tell us who won the election.

This is not an endorsement for apathy or an indictment for advocacy. By all means, vote for your candidate, debate for your opinion, finance the organization of your choice, but please do it in a way that is respectful to your neighbor and edifying to your creator.

This is also not meant to be a glib “don’t worry, be happy, God’s got this,” feel good message.

The world is, absolutely, messed up. The world is broken. Anxiety is perfectly normal, and it’s also perfectly normal, and healthy, to confront that anxiety with professional and pharmaceutical help. After all, if our hearts, livers and lungs merit medicine, then surely our minds deserve the same respect.

What is not healthy, however, is saturating our days in gloom, scrolling from one terrible news event to the next, or listening to angry ideologues financed by rich ideologues demonize the “other.”

Concerning the other, one of Christ’s most powerful messages came when an expert in the law asked him what he needed to do to be saved.

As Jesus had a tendency to do, he answered the question with his own. “Well, what does the law say?”

“To love God with all my heart, mind, and being.” The expert answered. “And to love my neighbor as myself.”

            Jesus agreed with his response, but the expert wasn’t finished.

“And who is my neighbor?” he continued, confident that Jesus was about to give him permission to categorize folks into “us” and “them.”

But, as Jesus had a tendency to do, he answered the question with a story, about a dying man on the side of the road, and about a Samaritan, of all people, who saved his life.

Which, in turned, begged the question again: Who, precisely, is our neighbor?

The broken man? The inn keeper who healed him?  The religious leaders who saw him bleeding and left him to die? The Samaritan who saved his life?

Yes.

 

Dumpster Fire

 

Sleeping is important to me, and so I’ve learned over the years to get most of my dumpster fire news from NPR. I choose NPR because other sources seem too ideological and have a tendency to make me think I’m in tremendous and immediate danger.

For example, if there was an actual dumpster fire down the street, while conservative outlets would report it like this:

“Progressive meddling has once again caused a dumpster fire down the road from your house; Nancy Pelosi was seen laughing about it and if you’re not careful, she’ll get you and your little dog, too!”

And liberal news would go this route…

“Conservative indifference has once again caused a dumpster fire down the road from your house. President Trump was seen throwing boxes of hairspray into the flames and probably thinks it funny.”

NPR would tell me how big the dumpster fire is, record its temperature, interview various dumpster fire experts to discuss the cause of the fire and its likelihood of spreading, and say all of this as if they’re reading me a bedtime story.

I appreciate that, because, as mentioned, I need my sleep.

Now, some might suggest, “Yeah, but they’re biased too, and you’re not getting the real story, man...you’re not getting the scoop…”

And that’s fine. You keep your scoop, and I’ll keep my six hours of sleep so I can continue to be productive.

Speaking of productivity, recently on my way to school one morning I was listening to a reporter interview David S. Reynolds, an author who wrote a book about Abraham Lincoln entitled “Abe.” (As an aside, another reason I like NPR is that they often interview people who write books instead of burn them.) One particular chapter in this book focused on how Lincoln associated himself with a celebrity at the time, Charles Blondin.

As you probably know already if you’re familiar with 19^th century French acrobats, Charles Blondin was famous for tightrope walking across Niagara Falls. He would perform stunts during his performance—somersaults, for example—and of particular relevance for Lincoln, Blondin would push a wheelbarrow over the expanse without a tether.

According to Reynolds, Lincoln related to this because he saw himself as trying to steer the nation over the chasm of the Civil War while pushing the republic itself in a metaphorical wheelbarrow. Lean too far one way or another, Lincoln believed, and the nation as a whole would fall into an abyss from which it couldn’t return. Granted, he did earn grief for this strategy by some advisors and continues to be critiqued today, but his ultimate goal was to preserve the union, not make friends.

So, here we are, in arguably the most fractious time in American history since the Civil War, and, according to almost all media outlets, Lincoln is still dead.

 Lincoln is gone, and nearly everyone, regardless of where they land on the political spectrum, regardless of how far left or right they want the wheelbarrow to go, seem anxious about the future. Concerning the election, both sides seem absolutely terrified that the other side is going to win.

            Now, like millions of Americans, I am less than enthusiastic about November’s potential results, regardless of what they may be, but the idea that one side is going to dump us all into Niagara Falls—on purpose, no less,—is kind of silly. It’s unreasonable, and it’s precisely the kind of bad behavior our actual enemies beyond our borders love to watch and help grow.

This will come as a shock to some of you, but I don’t believe Republicans are trying to “ruin the country.” Many Republicans simply have a worldview that prioritizes what they consider tradition and individual responsibility, and this way of seeing things influences everything else. Democrats are also not trying to “bring down America.” Many Democrats have a worldview that prioritizes what they consider progress and civic responsibility, and this way of seeing things influences everything else.

Both parties are mostly full of decent people who want what they think is best for America; they want to take care of their friends and family and would be perfectly willing to help a stranger.

Unfortunately, both parties have also allowed too many of their leaders to become too heavily influenced by special interests. Both parties have chosen candidates who seem more interested in using power to stay in power as opposed to using indluence to get things done.

The fix to these ills is by no means quick and easy. It would include, for starters, term limits, followed by the removal of those special interests from funding the process. It would also be helpful to organize Congressional districts to look more like actual shapes and less like weird monsters designed by party wizards. (Some congressional districts are so far red or blue that the opposing side doesn’t even bother. This leads to primaries where the winner is often the one who can yell the loudest and lean the furthest to the right or to left; over time moderate voices interested in actually solving problems get drowned out. This eventually results in very heavy wheelbarrows balancing on dangerously frayed tightropes.)

None of these ideas are likely, I know, in our current, overheated political environment. In the short term, then, perhaps our best path forward is to stop feeding the fire with trash.

Double Dragon

 

Although I was only able to stomach about ten minutes of the first Presidential discussion a few weeks ago, I made it all the way until minute fifty-seven of the V.P. debate before I had to investigate a loud and potentially disastrous rolling chair incident in the back bedrooms.

(Annaka had “accidently” gotten stuck in the rolling chair. Again. For the fifth time in three minutes.)

After watching the candidates argue, I was reminded of a couple things:

First, there are still some grownups in the room.

Secondly, successful debating has very little to do with responding candidly and thoroughly to an actual question presented to you by a moderator. Successful debating is about how quickly you can segue from the question itself into the talking point you have rehearsed and need to emphasize. Both candidates were very good at this, so it was like a free, fifty-seven minute clinic. I plan on taking some of their lessons and using them in my own life.

For example, when a student questions me as to why I haven’t graded and returned their essay that they turned in over twenty hours ago, I will likely go with “The Patriotic Non-Answer.”

 “Thank you, student whose name I still don’t know because half your face is hidden behind a surgical mask, for asking that question. Thank you, also, to the committee, for inviting me here this morning.

“Paper writing, and paper grading, as well, is one of the benchmarks of our democracy. Without paper writing, in fact, our nation might not even exist. It was a particular paper, written by one Thomas Jefferson, back in 1776, turned in all the way across the Atlantic to the British throne, that got the whole thing started in the first place.

“Now, I don’t know what grade that crazy old king put on that paper, but I do know this: all papers will be graded. All papers must be graded, and they will be graded by me, not by a substitute and certainly not by one of your peers. Thank you.”

When asked by one of my own kids why they didn’t get the Pokémon video game for Christmas, I will use “The Folksy Reminisce.”

“Yes, Pokémon, that is an issue that needs addressed, so I’m glad you brought that up.

“Pokémon reminds me of a video game my brother and I used to play back when we were kids - “Double Dragon.” In “Double Dragon,” the goal was to punch, kick, and then punch a little more. My brother and I, along with some of our buddies when they came over, we would sit and sip Aldi’s brand soda, (I’d have a Black Cherry myself,) and we’d play “Double Dragon” for hours.

“This video game taught us a valuable lesson: sometimes, life hurts. Sometimes life will punch ya’ in the nose and kick ya’ in the crotch. That’s life. As Americans, even as children, we need to understand that there’s going to be a lot of face punching, from our enemies, such as North Korea, and sometimes even from our allies, such as Santa P. Claus himself.

“Maybe you didn’t get Pokémon this year, son, but I do know what you did get: disappointment, and that’s the kind of life lesson you’ll carry with you always.”

And then, of course, when confronted with why the water bill wasn’t paid on time again, I will simply use the “Stern Deflection.”

“Water. Well, yes, absolutely, let’s talk about water, now, why don’t we? I think it’s past time for us to talk about water.

“Water...water is wet. Can we agree on that? Water is wet, and water is also on the floor of the bathroom as we speak. My own socks have water in them right now, because I stepped on the water that had splashed out of the shower and onto the bathroom floor.

“My socks...are soaked. My socks are soaked... and my socks are not going to be dry in time for me to put on my own shoes. I need those shoes to leave this house, and I need to leave this house to go to my job.

“So, if we want to talk about paying water bills on time, I think the first thing we need to figure out is how we are going to get these socks dry enough for me to go to my job. Thank you.”

And thank you, Vice Presidential candidates, for reminding everyone why there is such a thing as a Vice President