Variant

 

Studies suggest that after the family doctor, the most trusted person in someone’s life—after their local radio personality, supermarket cashier, and neighborhood scold—is their uncertified life coach, which is me. Thus, I’ve taken it upon myself to chime in on our nation’s most recent facepalm, which is that we somehow have more COVID-19 vaccines than arms to put them in.

 A year ago, one of President Trump’s biggest concerns was, “How quickly can America develop a vaccine that will help us stop this virus?” Well, now we know, and the answer is very clear: Who cares? 

Although free, safe and effective vaccines have been available for months now, only about half of the eligible American population has been fully inoculated, and, in many parts of the nation, that rate is much, much lower. While that might seem strange coming from the country that cured polio and placed multiple humans on the moon, it is perhaps unsurprising considering that many Americans simply no longer trust those very institutions—medicine, science and government—that helped bring those achievements to light. For these readers, vaccines seem unnecessary at best or dangerous at worst, so, let’s consider a few of their concerns.

Reader Concern One: This whole thing is very suspicious.

Response: Well, not really. Epidemiologists have been warning us about the plausibility of a zoonotic pandemic for years. The question was never “Is this going to happen?” but instead “When, where, and how bad?” Even if it turns out Covid-19 did escape from a laboratory, pandemics do happen on planet earth and shouldn’t be dismissed as pretend, particularly after one has been linked to millions of deaths worldwide.

Since humans aren’t really designed to “social distance” and being asked to wear a mask to decrease the amount of germs we exhale is apparently a violation of multiple Constitutional amendments, our best bet for curbing the virus before it mutates further  into “double secret probation” status is to get people vaccinated. 

Which would have likely worked in 1955, the same year Americans stood in lines for hours to get their kids inoculated from the previously mentioned polio.

Reader Concern Two: This vaccine is just a way for them to track and/or control us.

Response: Regardless of how you define “them,” “they” probably already know more about you than does your spouse, and while that might be a good thing for your marriage, at the end of the day, none of us are all that interesting.

We wake up and we buy stuff.

Thrilling.

This vaccine isn’t going to track anyone unless it’s duct taped to a smartphone.

Reader Concern Three: Hardly anyone my age even gets that sick from this, though. What’s the point? Can’t we just wait for herd immunity?

Response: We could if we were cows, I guess, but since we have a vaccine that works, perhaps the more humane strategy would be to “take one for the team” to help protect those in our community who aren’t so blessed with good health. Besides that, if it keeps mutating—which it will because that’s what viruses do—herd immunity could be years away if it even happens at all.

Reader Concern Four:  What if getting the vaccine is just the first step in getting the mark of the beast?

Response: Although I am no theologian, the idea that God, the creator of the Universe, is in the business of punishing people for the simple act of trying to keep themselves and their community safe, seems a bit off brand. God is God, after all, not some pagan trickster deity trying to con people into eternal damnation. God is love, and it seems that taking an hour or so out of our day to make ourselves less contagious to our neighbor would be a pretty straightforward manifestation of that idea.

Reader Concern Five: Those so called “experts” have flip-flopped on this issue more times than a pancake house on a Sunday morning! Why should we trust them?

Response: Well, now I’m hungry, but yes, the message does keep changing because it’s based on real time data, which is also changing. I would be much, much more suspicious of all of this if the message had been static for the last eighteen months.

Reader Concern Six: My family doctor said I shouldn’t get the vaccine. 

Response: Did they actually tell you that?

Concern Six Continued: Well, I assume they would if I asked. Besides, shouldn’t I wait awhile until more data is available?

Response: OK, that’s a reasonable concern, but keep in mind that over a billion human beings have been fully inoculated at this point and we have months of data to suggest that getting vaccinated significantly decreases your chances of getting seriously ill from the virus or spreading it to someone else. While no vaccine can ever be one hundred percent effective, that's a considerable amount of data.

Regardless, I will reiterate what I said a few months ago: getting vaccinated--or not--should be a choice. As an uncertified life coach, however, and as a fellow citizen, I would simply recommend that you do, in fact, talk to your actual doctor about it. Talk to folks who’ve been inoculated themselves. If you’re a prayerful kind of person, then definitely pray about it.

Yes, these vaccines were branded for “emergency use,” but that’s more of a process protocol than an indicator of their safety, as they will likely be approved for even young children by the end of this year. In fact, we had our twelve-year-old daughter vaccinated recently, and while that might count as child abuse in some circles, please understand that she has not, as of yet, developed any strange side effects. (Unless you count her sudden inability to remember how to clean up her room.) She took the shot with an impressive amount of enthusiasm, as it meant she could start living a more normal version of an adolescent life without being worried she was bringing something home to her immune-compromised little sister.

After discussing the issue with some trusted family doctors, it was a pretty easy decision to make.