M-I-C-K-E-Y

Disney World is the happiest place on earth.  It says so on the sign.  However, after spending a few days there I have decided that this statement is not so much a slogan as it is spatial reality. You see, if a place’s “happiness level” can be quantified, which, for the sake of this discussion, we are assuming it can, this assessment must be based somewhat on the amount of smiling people per square yard.  Disney World, thus, has to win, because there are just so many people there in the first place.  Using this formula, though, I guess Disney World might also be the angriest place on earth, too, and perhaps even the creepiest, but neither of those comments are going to sell very many tickets.

Speaking of tickets, we bought ours almost a year ago, and we knew all along that this family discovery event was going to be much more detailed than our others.  We had a good time, though, and that is partially due to low expectations.  “You need to have low expectations,” I was told on more than one occasion.  “Yes, you’re spending a crazy amount of money, you’re going to devote a tremendous amount of time and energy just physically moving around the park, but remember, Disney World is for kids.  Don’t lose them.  A successful Disney World trip is returning home with the same amount of people you left with, preferably the same ones.”

The reality of it, though, is that I actually did enjoy myself.  Seriously.  Did I enjoy it as much as the six-year-old who met Elsa the Snow Queen and had the audacity to ask her for some ice powers?  Probably not.  Did I enjoy it as much as the four-year-old who left the Seven Dwarves mine train with a giant smirk on his face?  Not a chance.  But it was fun.  Disney World, even in hot, busy July, was a good time.  A month ago I saw the trip as a once-in-a-childhood adventure that our kids had better enjoy or else.  Now, though, because of good planning and great advice, I can absolutely see us returning in five years, which brings me to the actual topic of today’s column.

Agendas.  Disney World absolutely has to have an agenda.  You have to go into the place with a plan, a schedule, and a map.  For example, part of our plan, much to the chagrin of some sleepier members of our party, was to get up early enough to be at the park before it opened each day.  Another part of our plan was to actually know what rides we wanted to enjoy before we saw them, and to know when the lines for these rides would be the shortest.  Here’s a hint:  Most lines are shortest right after the park opens each day.

Another crucial component was our strategic use of the Disney Fastpass.  Every Disney patron is allowed three Fastpasses per day, which basically allows a person to jump the line.  These can save you anywhere from fifteen minutes to two hours.  These are free, but they are also scheduled, which is usually done weeks in advance.  This might sound silly and perhaps even antithetical to that “family oriented vacation experience,” but there are few things less “family oriented” than standing in a muggy line for ninety minutes with strangers and their desperate children.

Because of these strategies, our trip, although not perfect, was certainly worth repeating.  After three full days at various Disney parks, after dozens of rides and multiple character meetings, we probably stood in line for less than three hours.

This is all entirely dull and useless, though, if you have no plans on going to Disney World in the near future.  Some of you are probably even thinking, “What?  I’ve just read six paragraphs about Disney World?  I hate that stupid mouse.” And that’s cool.  I get that.

However, there is a much simpler, much more universal application to all these Disney-themed specifics: Seek wise counsel.

From the very moment we knew we were going, close to two years ago, we—and by “we” I mean my wife—began to talk to Disney veterans.  Hours were spent discussing the specifics with those who had gone before and who had returned with all their people intact.  Multiple three-ring binders were offered up by various experts.  We were even blessed with a detailed, family-specific itinerary conjured up by a cousin who wanted our experience to be as enjoyable as hers.

As I get older, the more I appreciate the sincere input and advice of others.  It might be a small world, after all, but we should never let it get so small we don’t ask anybody for help.