Hike

Camping is fun.  
Hiking is fun. 
Camping and hiking among feral hogs? 
No thanks.  I’ll pass.
A column about camping or hiking may seem like a curious topic for mid-March.  However, I am tired of winter and have therefore begun to mentally project myself to my favorite season, which is autumn.  I am also tired of feeling guilty about not running on my boring treadmill and have therefore begun to mentally project myself to my favorite autumn pastime, which is hiking.

For those of you who are afraid of trees and do not walk in the woods, hiking in this part of the nation, particularly in the fall, is really nice.  The terrain is reasonable and the scenery is pleasant.  Perhaps most importantly, this part of the country is mostly free from large predators capable of biting you to death.

Or…is it?

A hiking trip this past October to Meramec National Park in Missouri forced me to re-evaluate my PDAC score, which, as none of you know because I am making it up, is an acronym used nowhere in the natural resource community that means Potential for Deadly Animal Contacts.  For most of my life, my PDAC score was a two out of ten.  What kept my score from being a flat zero was that I grew up on a farm and my 4H hog once bit me at the county fair. Considering his short term future, however, I do not blame him.  Also, poisonous snakes do, technically, live in this part of the state, and sometimes dogs bite.  Overall, though, we do not get harassed by wild animals very much in this part of the country.

Recent evidence, however, some of it gathered during the aforementioned hiking trip, suggests that this peaceful trend may soon change.  For starters, the hiking trip in question is a mostly annual event that some old college buddies and I have enjoyed well before we had families that might actually care if we get lost in the woods.  We choose a trail of moderate difficulty, drive to it, put on our unnecessarily cumbersome hiking gear and head into the wild.  One crucial element that has always enhanced this trip for us was that we assumed we would not get eaten.

            Now, granted, we have always known there was a slight chance we could get tusked to death by feral hogs.  These wildest of swine have wreaked havoc throughout rural Missouri for years, and, although they have not been arrested for any human deaths, they do look ferocious and would probably attack if provoked.  Upon picking up the map to Meramec State Park, however, a new potential menace came to light:  timid black bears.  According to the park brochure, “Bears here are not common and are still very timid…The chance of encountering bold bears is very slim and they can be discouraged with capsaicin pepper spray if they are down wind, but mace is not effective.”

            Now, fancy words like “timid,” “slim,” and “capsaicin pepper spray,” are all well and good when you are writing them behind a keyboard or reading them from the safety of your automobile.  However, when you are reflecting on those words in the middle of the forest at night, with the sounds of nature all around you and the only thing you have to defend yourself is a flashlight and an energetic scream, those words get much less comforting.

            Regardless, we did not get mauled by a bear or tusked by feral hogs.  All we suffered were sore muscles from walking ten miles in the woods with camping equipment strapped to our backs.  It took me weeks to recuperate, and when I did finally find enough energy to read a newspaper, what do you think I saw?

            Wolves!  Wisconsin wolves!  According to a recent Associated Press article out of Chicago, Wisconsin wolves may soon infiltrate the northern borders of our once very safe and responsible state.  However, as we say in the newspaper business when column space is tight, that is a topic for another day.  Until then, just be thankful you do not live in a state with timid black bears.

            Yet.